There is certainly no shortage of advice on how to find your love.
Therapists, counselors, talk show hosts and self-help gurus are literally trying to boot each other out in selling us advice.
Often we pay twice. First the monetary price and then, when the advice fails, the emotional toll. The later being the most painful.
I’ll keep it simple. There is one mistake we all make, although we should know better.
The issue is not so much with the expectations we know we have, but those we subconsciously carry with us.
We are all influenced by the media. From early on we are barraged with impressions of fairy-tale depictions and stereotypes of romance, love and sex. We may believe that we know this to be true, but subconsciously we still let them guide us.
The same way porn creates unrealistic and dangerous expectations of sex, romantic stories create unrealistic and downright dangerous expectations of love. This ’emotional porn’ if you will, causes most of our pitfalls. It misleads and fools us.
A Disaster to Remember
Girl meets boy. A glance, a look, a smile. For a split second we want to believe in love-at-first-sight, especially if the interest seems to be mutual. Or it comes more gradually. A friend, a coworker, a neighbour. Day by day that attraction seems to grows.
And at long last, there is a response. “Drinks?” he asks. “Maybe dinner?”
We are now on dangerous ground. Women think further ahead than men do, and that is our folly. And to top it all off, we also read too much into men. He smiles, it’s a sign.
He says “hello” and we think he is definitely interested. We have sex and there is no doubt in our mind we’ll grow old together.
The truth is, while we are already imagining what possibilities there may be — “Boyfriend! Marriage! Children!” — he is probably just thinking “drinks, maybe dinner.” Sometimes even less than that. And more often than not, just something dirty.
A Disaster Like The Titanic
Expecting too much, expecting for him to have the same expectations and expecting to find your love in the blink of an eye, are the best ways to set yourself up for a titanic wreck. I don’t mean to sound gloomy, but the vast majority of relationships fail because we listen to what we secretly think and hope for, instead of seeing what there really is. Or isn’t.
We Are The Way We Are
Realize that love is nothing like the movies. The premises are much simpler than in real life, and there is always this underlying sense of destiny and soul-mates. These notions are false.
They imply that true love is just a feeling, an overpowering emotion that takes hold and intoxicates you. Although there are of course feelings involved and at times intoxication, it is no indication of true love.
True love is more than that.
It is a profound human bond that is based on principles and values and never stops growing provided it is nurtured. To find your love it is vital to be able to rise above your expectations and feeling and never get too excited over a relationship.